Upon hearing that Alabama was beating Clemson:

"Oh man, when I was in the bathroom this morning pretending to be interviewed on a sports show, I SO told those imaginary broadcasters that Alabama was gonna win this game."

I love my mac because I can talk on the phone with you and take a picture of my butt at the same time.

Upon snuggling and being sappy...

Me: You are my love.
Him: You are my Loc-Nar.
Me: I'm a green ball of evil and death that infects you?
Him: I didn't think that through.