Upon watching the John Wayne movie Wake of the Red Witch...

"John Wayne versus giant octopus, round 2!!! And this time he's only armed with a knife and his pants! GUESS WHO WINS THIS TIME, YEAH BITCH, FUCK YOU OCTOPUS!!! YEAH HOWS THAT KNIFE TASTE?!"

Me: What are Adam's Apples actually for?
Him: Adam’s Apples were put there by God so you can tell who’s a tranny.

While watching Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix...

ME: "If I ever catch you in bed with a man, it had better be Gary Oldman."
HIM: "THAT has to go on Schmoopytalk!!"