Upon hearing Neil Gaiman is going to write Batman...

what kinda pretentious crap will gaiman inject into the batcave? "Jason Todd's costume mocks me silently from its glass display case while I weep at its foundation. Its colors mirror my emotions. Red like my anger at not having saved him. Green like my envy that he died instead of me. A beetle slowly crawls over my boot. What is thy fate, o beetle? Must you, like all the others, desecrate my home and leave me a broken shell? Oh yes, I weep. But not for myself; for the fragile world which I have created. I have deceived those who come to worship at its altar."

"I love you because you look awesome and all the other reasons involving your personality and stuff."

"I wish I worked in a magazine company, in the department where they get the magazines ready to mail out to subscribers, and put address labels on all the magazines.

I would grab a random magazine that didn't have an address label on it yet, and run up to someone really angrily and go, "WHY HAVEN'T YOU ADDRESSED THIS ISSUE?!?!?!?!"

Upon me saying I shouldn't eat cheese while lactose intolerant...

"I should be all the cheese you need."

Upon mentioning someone had 'Asperger's'...

"I like ass...and I like burgers...but I don't think I would like assburgers. That would just be confusing."